Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
