Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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