Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
