its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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