so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
