If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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