He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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