so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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