Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
