well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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