Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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