I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
