I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
