I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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