Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
