I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she peed on how many people?
You're like the curious george of whores
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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