Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
