his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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