i think my mom watched the whole time
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
