This girl is more easily done than said...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
