Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
