...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
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It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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