He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Someone signed my nipple.
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