Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
