I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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