i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
