Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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