Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
