This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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