I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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