I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there's paper in my vomit.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila