I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.