When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Damn victory sex feels great
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
