i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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