I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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