Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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