i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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