Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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