I am spending my child support on dildos
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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