THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
