Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
