i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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