I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
