whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
