that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
