dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
