GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
