He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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