May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
