Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
