I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
