i think my tv is drunk
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you never un-have a 4some
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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