My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
