don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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