Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
