got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
