I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
