turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
