I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
