Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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