Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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