this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
