i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
