i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We're too hungover to prance.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
