hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
