my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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