would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
