Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
