There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize