The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
